


Practice Date

by someofthissomeofthat11011



Series: Spierfeld Week <3 [6]
Category: Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda - Becky Albertalli
Genre: M/M, Spierfeld Week
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-15
Updated: 2018-04-15
Packaged: 2019-04-23 01:21:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14321442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/someofthissomeofthat11011/pseuds/someofthissomeofthat11011
Summary: Everyone can see that Bram and Simon are head over heels in love with each other, so their friends decide to make up a “how-to” dating project for their school so students can learn some dating etiquette. So what if they intentionally pair Simon and Bram together for a practice date? ***I don’t know if this technically counts as fake dating, but I’m counting it***





	Practice Date

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Spierfeld Day 6: Fake Dating

 

“Hey Spier,” Bram said with a grin as he walked over. Since he had come out as gay, Simon was the one person he could really be himself around. “Did you finish the paper for Mr. Wise’s class?”

“I’ll excuse you for asking a stupid question, because you may have forgotten that you’re talking to a habitual procrastinator,” Simon teased.

“Oh, I did forget. You never do assignments until the day before they are due. That’s gonna screw you over one day man.”

“There’s nothing wrong with a little procrastination. I just prefer to spend my time living life, not with my head stuck in a freaking textbook like someone. Deja vu or something like that,” Simon said with a shrug.

Bram started hysterically laughing. “I think you mean carpe diem. Which you would know if you ever actually opened your books.”

Garrett watched them go back and forth. The entire school knew they were in love with each other. They just seemed completely oblivious to the other’s feelings. “Hey Simon,” he said once there was a lull in their conversation.

Simon looked genuinely surprised to see him. “Oh, hey Garrett,” he said. “Look, I better get to class. See you all around.”

Bram watched Simon go, a small smile on his face. He turned to see Garrett looking at him expectantly. “What?” He asked uncertainly.

“When are you going to ask him out?” Garrett demanded. He had thought it would happen once Bram came out. He had started off his senior year by telling them all he was gay and Simon had been out since Martin Addison found out he was gay junior year, so it wasn’t like the entire school didn’t know they were both gay.

But for some reason, Bram and Simon hadn’t started dating yet. It was frustrating to everyone who had to watch them flirt with each other every day.

Bram shook his head. “He doesn’t like me like that,” he said with a shrug. “And it’s irrelevant because I’m kinda involved with someone.”

“With who? What’s his name?” Garrett asked, a little flustered. Bram had never mentioned someone before. He wracked his brain trying to think of anyone other than Simon that Bram had seemed even remotely interested in, but he was coming up blank.

“I don’t actually know his name. I guess you could call him my mystery penpal,” Bram  said before he walked away.

So, when Garrett walked into the cafeteria, he immediately found Nick. “We need to do something about those two,” he said, motioning towards where Simon and Bram were splitting a snack-size bag of Oreos and laughing at some joke that probably only they found funny.

“Look, I tried talking to Simon about it. He likes Bram, but he’s apparently in love with this mystery penpal.”

“You have got to be kidding me,” Garrett interrupted, a note of exasperation in his voice. “It’s Bram. He literally said the same thing to me earlier. It can’t be a coincidence.”

“So your saying they won’t date each other, because they’re secretly talking to each other.” Nick rubbed his temple. “They give me a headache.”

“Who gives you a headache?” Abby asked, walking towards them. By some unspoken consent, they always gave Simon and Bram a few minutes alone at the table. Partly in hopes that they would finally realize they were flirting with each other and partly, because they needed some time to complain about how obvious they were.

“Who do you think?” Garrett asked, motioning towards where Simon and Bram sat.

“Ugh, they’re so in love it makes me nauseous,” she complained. Despite her words, she was smiling and looking towards them affectionately.

“And get this. They won’t start dating each other, because they both have mysterious gay penpals. Can you guess who?” Garrett asked.

“You’re kidding.” Abby sounded a little breathless. They were quiet until Leah got her food and walked towards where they were standing. Her face suddenly lit up. “I have an idea.”

They huddled together, whispering back and forth until they all came to an agreement on how to proceed. They went over to their lunch table, sitting around Simon and Bram who immediately stopped whatever they were talking about. They were both blushing faintly.

“I need your help with something,” Abby told them.

“What’s up?” Simon asked.

“For my home ec class, I have to create a “how-to” dating guide. I wanted to see if the two of you would be willing to go on a practice date and record it. I’m asking a few couples to do it and I’ll give you the questions ahead of time. I’m looking for some “dos” and “do nots” of dating,” Abby told them.

Simon and Bram exchanged confused looks. “Why us?” Simon asked curiously.

Abby shrugged. “You are really good friends and it seemed like a natural choice.”

“Don’t you think you might get push back from filming two guys?” Simon was staring at her as if he were trying to see through her.

“No. I’m also filming two girls. I figured it was important for everyone to get representation, no matter how small.”

Simon stared at her suspiciously until Bram elbowed him. “It might be fun,” he pointed out.

“I guess we’re in,” Simon said reluctantly.

“Great. I’ll have the questions for you by the end of the day so you two can practice tonight.”

“Tonight? I have to write a paper tonight! I don’t have time to do both. Ugh, why did I procrastinate?” Simon actually looked a little panicked.

“Hmm,” Bram said, a twinkle in his eyes. “That’s funny. A little birdie told me there is nothing wrong with procrastination and… oh, what was it? Deja vu?”

Simon rolled his eyes at Bram. “If you say I told you so…”

“How about this,” Bram said, cutting him off. “Spend the night. I’ll help you with your paper and then we’ll be able to work on this video.”

“I’ll have to ask my mom, but if she says it’s okay, sure,” he said after a moment. He was pretty sure that his mom would be fine with it, but the thought of spending the night with Bram was making his stomach do somersaults.

“Great!” Abby said, interjecting into her conversation. She was pretty sure they were doing that thing where they forgot they were in the middle of a crowded cafeteria. Sure enough, when she spoke, they looked at her startled. “Thanks for helping me out.”

When lunch was over, Abby pulled Nick aside. “What do you think they talk about as mystery penpals? I need to throw in some questions that might clue them in to who they are.”

“I have no idea, but if they haven’t figured it out yet, it’s got to be the big picture stuff you don’t talk about in the day-to-day.” Nick frowned. “I don’t know how much of that you talk about when you first start dating someone.”

Abby groaned. “This might be harder than I thought.”

Abby found Simon at the end of the day as he was getting off the phone with his mom. “Here are your questions.” And remember to include some good examples of dating and some bad examples.” She handed him a heavy, black bag. “The school is loaning me a video camera. Don’t break it.”

Simon nodded. “What is this really about?” He asked her quietly.

“A school project,” she answered without hesitation. And now it was true. She had gotten approval from her home ec teacher to complete the project, so she would get to spend the next several classes in the library. “We’re doing a project on relationships in class and this is my topic. You can ask Ms. Cook.”

Simon sighed. “Okay, if that’s really all this is.”

Bram walked over, abruptly ending their conversation. “What did your mom say?” He asked.

“She said she’s fine with it. And I got the questions from Abby.” Simon held up the papers he had just gotten.

“I rode to school with Garrett. Would you mind driving?” Bram asked.

“Yeah, I’ve just got to go home and get some pajamas and a change of clothes, if you’re okay with that,” Simon told him.

“Fine with me,” Bram agreed.

“I’ll give you the video tomorrow morning,” Simon promised to Abby.

“Thanks,” she said gratefully. “Have a good night!”

A few hours later, Simon was ready to throw his book against the wall. “I will never understand Shakespeare,” he groaned.

“You’re so close to being done. You need less than a page. Why don’t we take a break for a minute?” Bram suggested. “We could order some dinner. And then we’ll finish your paper.” Just an hour earlier, Bram’s mom had given them money for dinner before she ran out the door to work the night shift at the hospital.

“I better get a freaking A on this,” Simon grumbled. “I just want to finish this and then never think about Macbeth again. Talk about a messed-up family.” They had been taking it page by page with Bram going through his paper with a fine tooth comb to identify grammatical and spelling errors. Needless to say, Bram was not Simon’s favorite person in the world right then.

“You’ll get a good grade. Let’s leave it at that.” He watched as Simon typed a blurb about the Lady MacBeth. “Just add a quote about her bloody hands and a conclusion and you’re done. And it’s not even 8:00 yet.”

“Done!” Simon said a few minutes later. He saved his paper and slammed his laptop shut. “God, that was stressful. Why did I ever procrastinate?”

“Maybe you just need a good influence in your life. Someone who finished their paper almost a week ago,” Bram teased.

Simon rolled his eyes. “Or maybe you need someone that can show you how to relax and enjoy yourself.” He looked at Bram and smiled. “Or maybe we need to find that middle ground.”

Bram chuckled nervously. “So what do you want to have for dinner?”

“Um… I don’t know. What’s a date food? Pizza?” Simon asked.

“A… a date food?” Bram asked nervously.

“Abby says that we should try to recreate what a date would look like. People watch movies and eat pizzas on dates, right?”

“Pizza sounds good.” Bram was still frazzled. For a split second, he really thought Simon considered this a date and he had been torn about whether that was a good or bad thing. He quickly got up and grabbed a takeout menu from the kitchen. He took this time to try to calm himself down and remind himself of Jacques. He wished he had his phone so he could check to see if Jacques responded to his last email.

After a moment, he went back to his room, knowing it would be suspicious if he was gone much longer.

“Any toppings?” Bram looked up at Simon.

“Um… I’m fine with plain.” He sounded a little flustered as he was reading through the questions on the list.

Bram called and ordered the pizza, then he and Simon went down to the family room. Simon set up the video camera and they tried to figure out the best way to go about this. They decided to sit side by side on the couch, feeling that anything else wouldn’t seem personal enough for a date.

While they waited for the pizza, they came up with a plan and decided that their first take would be the dating “do nots” so that they could get familiar with the questions.

They had a lot more fun with it than they expected, having to start over multiple times because one of them started laughing. At one point Bram leant back into the couch, put his feet up on the coffee table, and answered every question with “Whatever man.” It didn’t take long for Simon to be in tears because he was laughing so hard.

The very next take, Simon interrupted Bram every time he spoke to show him pictures of cats on the internet. “Oh, you’ve really got to see this one. It’s just precious!” Simon said over and over again.

By the time the pizza arrived, they were both pretty confident that had played out every “do not” situation they could think of.

“Hey Simon?” Bram asked while they were eating. He had been flipping through the questions Abby had given them. They hadn’t made it past the first page yet.

“Yeah?” Simon looked at him curiously.

“Did you read through all these questions?”

Simon looked away. “We don’t have to do the last one,” he promised. “She’s giving the same set of questions to people that are in relationships, so I’m sure it was just a typo on ours.”

“We’d just be acting, right?” Bram confirmed. “I don’t see the harm in it if we’re just acting.”

“You sure you’re okay with it?” Simon asked. “I mean, I get why she wants to include how to instigate or reject a kiss, but if it makes you uncomfortable...”

“No, it’s fine.” Part of Bram wanted to do it so badly, but he felt like he would be cheating on Jacques. He reasoned that if he told Jacques he had to do it for a school assignment, he would understand… he hoped. They had been emailing for almost a year. He couldn’t imagine that something like this would scare him off.

“Okay then. If you change your mind, we don’t have to do it,” Simon assured him.

Between the two of them, they easily polished off the entire large pizza. When they couldn’t delay any longer, Bram turned to Simon. “Ready?” He asked uncertainly.

“Ready.” Simon pressed play on the video camera, made sure the pizza box was visible, and sat down next to Bram. They asked and answered most questions without an issue, both of them becoming more relaxed as they realized that they knew how to do this part. They knew how to talk to each other. They naturally played off of one another’s answers.

It wasn’t until they got to the last page of questions that things started to change. “What is your most embarrassing moment?” Simon asked. “And spare no details.”

Bram chuckled. “That’s a tough one. I’d have to say it probably happened when I was in kindergarten. I used to be really obsessed with Barney - yes, the giant purple dinosaur. I had this huge stuffed Barney when I was a kid. I used to take him everywhere. Every morning when my mom dropped me off for kindergarten, I begged her to let me take Barney with me. One day, she finally gave in and I walked into the classroom hugging Barney close to my chest. Everyone started looking at me and I suddenly knew I made a mistake. I got so nervous, I started sucking on his hand. I guess I found that soothing at the time. They called me Dinosucker until I moved, so I guess you could say that’s pretty embarrassing.”

Simon wasn’t laughing. He was staring at Bram, with his mouth agape. “Everything okay?” he asked uncertainly. “I promise, I outgrew some of that dorkiness.”

Simon closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. “I think it’s time for you to ask the next question.” He didn’t know how, but he knew he needed to clue in Bram to what he had just discovered.

“All right,” Bram said hesitantly. He had a bad feeling in his stomach from Simon’s off reaction. “What is your favorite memory.”

“I would have to say the day we got our dog,” Simon said quietly. “When I was ten, our family friends in Alabama had a dog that had a whole litter of puppies. We drove up to Alabama right after they were born. They were so tiny and squeaky. I remember wanting to take every single one of them home with me. But we couldn’t take them all, and we ended up picking our favorite little pupper. He was too little to come home with us then, but we went back a few weeks later. When we went back-”

“He ran right to you,” Bram finished. He was staring at Simon, his eyes wide. “And he slept on your lap the whole way home?”

Simon nodded. “You’re Blue,” he said, his voice barely a whisper.

“And you’re Jacques.”

Simon couldn’t believe it. He had specifically avoided talking about his coming out with Blue, because he figured when Blue was ready, he would tell him. And all this time Blue had been right in front of him. More than that, he had been shamelessly flirting with him more months. Simon looked into Bram’s soft, brown eyes. “I think I’m ready to demonstrate the kissing scene.”

“I thought you’d never ask,” Bram said as he quickly bridged the distance between them. Simon’s eyes fluttered closed of their own accord as he melted into Bram. He wanted nothing more than to always be able to feel this way. There weren’t words to express their frustration at not knowing that they were each other’s penpals, the excitement that the person they were in love with over email was the person they were in love with in real life, their hope that there would be real dates and more kisses in the future.

When they broke the kiss, Simon stood up. “I think we’ve given Abby more than enough material.”

“I actually forgot we were recording,” Bram admitted. “I can’t believe you’re Jacques. I’ve felt so guilty about liking you, because it felt like I was cheating on him.”

“I felt the same way!” Simon said looking at him nervously. “I just wish we had discovered this several months ago. It would have taken one email saying that we came out to the school for us to figure it out.”

“I don’t know,” Bram said slowly. “I think I kind of feel lucky that I had the chance to get to know you so well since I came out. You were a friend that understood me when no one else could.”

“Friend,” Simon muttered. He didn’t think he was reading too much into what Bram had said. He didn’t regret not being with Simon.

Bram, apparently suddenly realizing how that sounded, brought his hand up to Simon’s cheek. “Not that I just want to be your friend moving forward. This pretend practice date for Abby’s class was great, but what do you say we do this thing for real?”

“I think that sounds wonderful.” Simon closed his eyes as Bram kissed him again.

They stayed up until nearly 3:00am talking. When they finally fell asleep, Simon slept in Bram’s bed, snuggled into his chest. He doubted there was a more perfect feeling in the world than waking up next to the man you love.

The next morning, Simon stifled a yawn as he dropped the tape into Abby’s waiting hand. “I think you’ll find you have all the footage you need.” Bram finally caught up with him. Abby started to leave, but Simon stopped her. “Abby? I don’t believe for a second that this is for a school project. I don’t know how you knew… but thank you.”

He and Bram walked into the school, hand-in-hand ignoring the surprised stares of their classmates. Abby watched them go, a smile lighting up her face. “Thank god,” she whispered.

 


End file.
